New Month, Lunar Eclipse, and Full Moon--Intense Energies are Here
This week started off with a bang! The final day of November, snow flurries, a lunar eclipse, and a full moon all on Monday! (It also happened to be my grandpa's 80th birthday.) It was the first time it felt like winter this season with bitterly cold temperatures and winds, and while it snowed, it was light flurries (much to the disappointment of the kid I was tutoring). When I returned from tutoring, my cat was waiting at the door for me to take her outside. I opted to fill up my car tires first, much to her dismay, since my car kept yelling at me to check the tire pressure (the first real cold day always messes with the tire pressure, and I didn't particularly want to try to fill them up in the cold AND in the dark--it's not fun, speaking from experience). She kept watching me from the front door (upon approaching the door I noticed she had a piece of grass sticking out of her mouth, meaning she must have stopped by her indoor cat grass). As soon as I got inside, she started crying at me and racing towards the back door to go to the porch (and then outside). When she finally got outside, she decided to be stubborn and act like she wasn't cold lol. She's such a goof.
While tutoring this week, Pearl kept looking longingly at our food during lunch. She especially seemed interested in his ramen. Granted, she's interested whenever there's food involved, but she was extra fixated on the ramen. She'd just sit there, staring intently, as ramen was lifted from the bowl, trying to will it to come to her. She's an interesting dog, much like her owner. The kid decided to give me a "goodbye high five" this week. It threw me off, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it amusing. It made me think of how my brother decided to give me a goodbye handshake when he left after Thanksgiving. Life is full of the unexpected, but it definitely has a sense of humor.
Fluffy cat was extra snuggly once again, although this time it was limited to the weekend for morning snuggles since I had tutoring. She was disappointed yet excited about this because she enjoys having breakfast early in the morning (but also loves staying all cozy in bed with me). She also enjoyed snuggling on the couch as well as cozying up in her blanket tent.
I continued working on Perler bead projects and gifts this week. Here's what I worked on this week (which includes an alligator army for my aunt):
I enjoyed anime, manga, and fanfic this week, too! The fanfic I read this week included: Even Immortals Fall, Demon's Angel, Whispered Dreams, Forget Me Not, What I Wouldn't Do For You, and Operation Lost Smile. If anyone has recommendations for new stories to check out, I'd love to hear them (especially great ones about Sesshomaru)! I enjoyed the latest episode of Yashahime, and I loved Bofuri: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, so I'll Max Out My Defense; Corliss had messaged me about how she couldn't stop watching it as I was finishing reading manga series, so I felt compelled to check it out--I was not disappointed! I finished reading the Maid-sama manga before starting (and finishing) the Kiss Him, Not Me! manga. I highly recommend both! I find them both quite humorous, but I feel like there are also important lessons you can take away from them. For instance character development. The characters grow immensely. Misaki and Takumi learn how to be honest about feelings and not run away; to avoid spoilers, let's just leave it at both have rather intense family backgrounds full of emotional wounding and drama. With the help of each other they are able to work through past trauma and overcome their pasts; they don't let their past define them and decide for themselves what they want their lives to be. Sure, there are challenges and obstacles on their journeys, but they remain steadfast, listening to their hearts and creating a life they feel is worthwhile. Then we have Asuma Mutsumi sempai; Corliss and I adore this pure, gentle soul. Asuma learned the importance of speaking up. He is super considerate and kind, but his greatest strength was a double-edged sword, which could lead to his downfall. He always put others before himself, telling himself and others that if they were happy, he was happy. He learned that it is not wrong to voice his feelings or desires; there are times when you need to advocate for yourself and not give in to others. Sure, selfishness can cause a plethora of problems, but it's okay to be "selfish" every once in a while (especially if it does no harm to others). Asuma ended up becoming a doormat for others at the cost of his own wellbeing. Helping others is not a bad thing, but it's just as important to take care of yourself. You can't fill up the cup of others if you, yourself, have an empty cup. This is something I've come to understand, especially this year, and I feel like this manga drove the message home. Like Asuma sempai, I enjoy helping others and wish to see them happy. Although well-meaning, I would often help others at the expense of myself. Every now and then, it shouldn't be too much of an issue, but like Asuma Mutsumi I struggled with drawing the line and establishing strong, healthy boundaries. This year I've grown quite a bit in this regard. Perhaps there might be some instances where one might need to "grin and bare it," but you shouldn't wear yourself thin. My desire to help others over the years wasn't executed in the healthiest manner for my wellbeing; yes, others matter, but Asuma sempai, myself, and you matter, as well. I adore the stories and am extremely grateful for the lessons they provide. They provide great joy and have helped me grow through their characters' experiences and accomplishments.
It's hard to believe we're at the end of 2020. It's been a crazy year. So much has happened yet it feels like simultaneously not much has happened at all. It doesn't even feel like we should be at the end of the year already; it feels like it just started (Corliss was messaging me if I have birthday plans since my birthday is in a week, but it feels surreal, like it couldn't possibly be my birthday already--plus, it hasn't felt like I've really aged at all since I turned 18. Time has been feeling rather weird, especially this year). I know that this year has been a rather trying one for many people, but it's proved how much we can overcome! We're a lot more resourceful and strong than we often think we are. Sure, we might not be out of the woods yet, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel! The future isn't all doom and gloom! The universe has our backs and wishes to bestow great blessings upon us (but we have to actually let said blessings in and not get in our own way). I've been thinking about the Native American tale of two wolves. The story goes that an elder chats with his grandson regarding the battle that goes on inside of each and every person. This battle rages between two wolves. He explained, "One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith." After considering his grandfather's words, the grandson asked, "Which wolf wins?" The elder replied simply, "The one you feed." When I first heard this tale years ago, it left a strong impact, but as the years have gone by it has only grown in significance. What we focus on grows. We can choose to focus on everything that's "gone wrong," but we also have the choice to focus on everything that's "gone right." We get to decide which wolf we feed, which ones grows and becomes stronger. There are probably people out there that are glad that 2020 is coming to a close, believing that with the closure of the year things will "go back to normal." I have my doubts about things ever being "normal" again (at least in regards to things going back to the way things were), but wishing the year away won't do any good. 2020, like any year, has things to offer us, lessons to teach us, and gifts to provide us; we have to accept them, though. We won't ever grow if we refuse what's happening before us. Why I believe we can't go back to the way things were is due to the fact that we're not the same people any more; we know more now, we've experienced more now, and we changed. It's like trying to put on favorite childhood clothes again; despite fond memories you may have, you've outgrown them, and it's impossible to go back. We keep moving forward. Yes, a form of loss comes from this, which can be accompanied by sadness, but it also provides us the opportunity to open a new door. The old door may have closed, but that does not mean all is lost. Fixating on that closed door that no longer works will not bring you happiness, peace, or prosperity, but you can find and open a new door that will. You get to feed the wolf of your choice. It's up to you. It might not always be easy, but it's often our most difficult trials that provided the greatest opportunities for growth. 2020 has brought loss to my doorstep, but I don't want to go back to before. I've grown so much this year, and I know that I wouldn't fit into that previous spot any more. It may have once brought me happiness, but it would no longer do so. With the solar eclipse, winter solstice, winter holidays, and new year quickly approaching I wish for all of you to be well, stay healthy, find peace, embrace joy, and encompass love. This year has been quite the journey, but it's not over yet so let's make the most of it! Stay blessed with light and love, everyone~
Here's some food for thought to consider from Spirit Science:
Ralph Smart provides some food for thought:
Here's some food for thought: