I hope everyone is doing well. Has anyone experienced anything related to energies? I feel like Wednesday was a bit strange; I felt a lot of frustration on Wednesday, and it didn't particularly make sense as it didn't feel normal (like it was coming from outside sources). Maybe it has to do with the Summer Solstice and full moon energies this week. I included some videos below that have information/meditation for the full moon if you're interested:
I'm pretty sure a lot happened in my dream from Monday night/Tuesday morning, but I only remember part of it. What I do remember involved hanging out with one of the boys I babysit. I think he was playing on his new gaming laptop (possibly playing Terraria, but I don't remember what exactly he was playing). In the dream his dad was going to come home from work early to take him to some event/appointment (could have been a swim meet, doctor's appointment, or something else along those lines) while I stayed with his brother for the duration of whatever it was. At some point one of his friends decided to come pick him up instead. I don't know what time it was, but I noticed that it was almost time for him to get picked up by his friend, so I let him know to start wrapping up his game. He gave his usual "I know. I know." response. His friend pulled up in their driveway. He didn't seem to notice, so I tapped the top of his headphones and let him know. He didn't seem to want to stop playing his game. His dad showed up and told him it was time to go. His dad then proceeded to tell me about the younger of the two boys when he was a little kid (I guess around age 4?). He told me that he had lots of fond memories from their previous house and that he could tell you where every scuff and mark came from in the house. Apparently where the marks came from were his favorite memories. I know more happened, but that was all I could remember upon waking up.
Upon waking up on Wednesday morning I didn't remember everything from my dream, but Corliss were in it. I think April and someone else was there, as well, but that part is fuzzy. I think I had been telling April and the other person about my new tie dye shirts. I think she and the other person left because after Corliss showed up I don’t remember seeing them. I think we were on my porch. Corliss wanted to know why I hadn’t told you about one of my newest tie dye shirts; I explained that I wanted to show you in person because I knew you’d love it. I also explained that it was sold as a kids shirt, so as much as I knew that Corliss would want to wear it, even the largest size would be too small (I really do want to show her the shirt, though, I just got it yesterday). Corliss were examining the shirt up close and wanted to know what the little white specks/dots were (I’m not sure what they were—they seemed to be a part of the shirt in the dream, but those dots/specks aren’t really on the shirt). Somehow we ended up at some new location. It was similar to Target, but at the same time it seemed to be like a school. A bunch of people from high school were there. It was like a gathering for class/lunch or maybe like some sort of event or camp. I don’t remember who was “in charge” of whatever was going on, but they were miffed that everyone else was talking so much and not listening. Corliss started sort of dragging me around—it wasn’t in a mean way. It was pretty fun—it was almost like ice skating. I’m guessing I was just wearing socks because as you pulled me along I was gliding across the floor. She did that all over the “store.” I think some other people tried talking to us. I don’t remember what was said, but I think one of the people was Lamant. I think some people were judging. I remember saying at one point, “I may be ‘an adult,’ but that’s only on the outside. I’m a kid on the inside. It’s more fun this way.” We had a lot of fun going around the store, me especially as you had me gliding across the floor. I’m pretty sure we were the only ones enjoying ourselves. I feel like more happened, but that’s all I remember.
The only part of my dream I recalled upon waking up Thursday morning was being on an ice hockey rink with fluffy cat. Despite it being for "real hockey," I was playing air hockey with her. There were the striker things you normally use to move the air hockey puck around, but I had been sliding the puck across the rink using my hand; I didn't really ever change spots on the ice, though. I'd aim the puck, pull it back, and then push it forward with my hand, watching it glide across the ice from my spot. Unsurprisingly, fluffy cat wasn't all that interested in the game and started washing her face (not that I was taking the game super seriously, either). I know more happened in my dream, but that's all I remember when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure a lot happened in my dream, but when I woke up on Friday morning I only remembered bits and pieces. At one point I was in the living room with Emily and her friend and we noticed that there was a crazy amount of spider webs. The webs were mainly in the corner and by the table, and they had caught so much of kitty's fur that had been shed (seriously, if you would have gathered it together, it would have made quite the ball of fur). For some reason the crystal pony game for the Sega Genesis was brought up, and how it would say, "Good job!" at the clearing of a level and then you'd hear a horse neigh.
That's all I remember from that part; the next thing I remember is there being some sort of competition. There were like 5 lanes to race toy cars in (it was somewhat similar to the racing jet ski Barbie and Ken game that was a Chuck E. Cheese--not sure if that game is still there). I think you had to push a button or something to get it to go. I was racing two other people I think. I started off in the lead I think, but then it got all crazy because the toy car suddenly flew off and landed haphazardly on one of the end lanes that weren't being used. It looked like I would lose the race, but then my car started racing on the new track/lane, slowly making up lost time. I somehow managed to just barely pull off a win.
There was some other baking competition, with stuff happening beforehand (like a car/RV speeding to get this group of people there on time; there was a kid that initially wanted to ride on the outside of it but got too scared. There was another kid who was in the bathroom because they were so nervous they thought they'd throw up. There was some pregnant lady, who was holding her nausea in from the car ride because she wanted to give the kid space since she loved them). There were 3 competitors I think. The only thing I remember that they were making was some kind of cake and cookie combination. They had baked and frosted a cake, but then they made chocolate chip cookie dough that they were supposed to roll out and wrap around the cake. I have no idea why.
The next thing I remember is the dream transitioning. There was a kid/teen (I'm guessing; I was following around most of the dreams as like an audience viewer or observer). They were walking to go pick up a younger sibling, and they had picked up a pancake lunch for them (I think it was two sisters). Some dad and little son started following the older girl as she was heading towards her younger sister. The dad and son didn't really seem to grasp how things worked and felt entitled to things (apparently they were quite rich, so they thought that meant people had to do whatever they wanted). The older sister found the younger one and was getting ready to give her a piggyback ride. The dad and the son thought that the pancake lunch smelled amazing, but they had no idea what it was. They decided since it smelled so delicious, they wanted it and proceeded to try and take it from the sisters. The older sister refused and kept it close while carrying her sister home.
The next thing I remember is seeing Laurali and Tori. We were at like a school or the magic house. Tori was trying to get me over to come babysit that day, but her mom was explaining that they didn't need a sitter right then. Tori was insistent, but I think they ended up leaving. I know more happened, but the details are all fuzzy--it's rather difficult to recall anything else. So, what I can take away from this is that I'm clearing levels and the universe is congratulating me on it (i.e. Crystal Pony Tale's "Good job!"). It also seems to be telling me that no matter what happens, no matter what it might look like at the moment, I'm going to "win" in the end (i.e. the race with my car going "off track" but still managing to reach the finish line before all the others). The baking part might have to do with abundance (a frosted cake wrapped in chocolate chip cookie dough is certainly an abundance of sweets/sugar). The part with the pancake lunch and the duo trying to take it, feeling entitled to it, probably emphasizes the importance of boundaries; the older sister wasn't mean/rude in her dealings with the dad and son, but she held firm in not allowing them to just take what they wanted. The part with kids I've babysat before probably deals with how I'm meant to work with kids and how so many of them want to be with me/spend time with me. There could be more messages from the dreams, but that's what sticks out to me at this time.
While this isn't a dream, I thought it was interesting. When I was taking a shower, John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change" kept popping into my head. I haven't heard that song in years (because I haven't listened to the radio in the longest and tend to listen to my CDs, which are mostly anime soundtracks). "So we keep on waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change," was on repeat in my head. It felt incredibly significant because it wouldn't leave and was standing out starkly. Upon revising the lyrics, I was wowed. Take a look for yourself:
"Me and all my friends We're all misunderstood They say we stand for nothing and There's no way we ever could Now we see everything that's going wrong With the world and those who lead it We just feel like we don't have the means To rise above and beat it
So we keep waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change We keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system When we're standing at a distance So we keep waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change
Now if we had the power To bring our neighbors home from war They would have never missed a Christmas No more ribbons on their door And when you trust your television What you get is what you got Cause when they own the information, oh They can bend it all they want
That's why we're waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change We keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care We just know that the fight ain't fair So we keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change
And we're still waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change We keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change
One day our generation Is gonna rule the population So we keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change No we keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change We keep on waiting (waiting) Waiting on the world to change"
It seems like so many people feel this way right now. So many people know that the world isn't meant to be this way--cruel, uncaring, painful--that it was meant to be so much more. So many people feel misunderstood, like they don't belong. So many people want to do something about it, to change the world for the better, but they feel like they don't have the means to actually bring forth the positive change they seek; they feel like the odds are stacked against them. They feel like the system is rigged to the point where they can't actually do anything about it, so they instead wait for the world to change. Our generation and the younger ones will be taking up leadership roles, though--the world is changing. Some people probably don't think the change is occurring fast enough, but you can't rush the transformation process. It takes time for the caterpillar to become the butterfly. If you try to rush the metamorphosis process, you could end up damaging or killing the butterfly; if you help the butterfly out of it's chrysalis, it won't have the strength to fly and live as a butterfly. We need to take things one step at a time. We'll get there, but rushing won't do us any favors. The world is changing--it's changing for the better. Breathe and witness the once-in-a-lifetime show we have front row seats to.
It was another week of hanging out with the boys. This week they played a lot of Terraria; they had me watch them play a lot. It got me wanting to play online games again (so I looked into online Pokemon games--I might have started playing one again lol). They were also being a bit sassy with their summer work (their parents want them to do 2-3 pages in the workbook a day). I could have gotten upset about the answer, but he wasn't wrong. I shared his answer with Corliss, and she was initially confused. His answer was that the author wants to help (in response to how the author feels about the Great Barrier Reef). The explanation was to just "read like one sentence. You will see." Meaning to just read a sentence from the passage to see that the author wants to help. I know that's not what the prompt intended when it requested an explanation of why, but he wasn't wrong 🤣 He's a smart kid. I know that the school system and his parents probably wouldn't find it as an acceptable answer, but I appreciate the ingenuity of his answer. I can't fault him for his answer, as it is a true statement. Granted, he could have used proper sentence structure when writing it, but eh. It's summer. I understood what he meant. He always goes into detail verbally for his answers, so I see no point in forcing him to write it all out (especially when he dislikes writing with a passion). Plus, it's a hilarious answer. I find it acceptable, and since I got put in charge of the summer work, I have the power to give it the okay 🤣 There's not just "one right answer," and society often pushes for a sole, "correct" answer.
I ordered a toy for a gift (one of the kids I babysit has an upcoming birthday) and some elderberry gummies. I received a notification that my order had been delivered. I opened the door to get the package, and when I tried to pick it up, I was surprised that the package was so heavy (it was a plush and a small bottle of gummies--it shouldn't have been that heavy). I was confused but decided to open it anyhow. Imagine my surprise when I found a whole bunch of items I did not order: three things of raisins, three jars of pizza sauce, a large jug of salsa, a can of olive oil cooking spray, and some sort of canned, invisible, powder foot spray. It explained why it was so heavy, but it made no sense why it was delivered to me (yes, I double checked the address label, and it was, indeed, addressed to me). It was a strange evening delivery. I'll be getting what I actually ordered in a few days, and I was told I can keep all this other stuff. Not sure what to do with it all since I'm not really a fan of any of it. I do appreciate the universe sharing abundance with me, though--I would just prefer if next time it would include things I'd actually use (lol).
I had more goodies arrive this week. My Divine $9 goodies from Spiritual Supermall arrived, and I'm so excited for my new labradorite goodies!! There was a labradorite pyramid, wand, and heart this week. There was also a three-tiered orgonite pyramid with amethyst, rose quartz, and clear quartz. Spiritual Supermall is awesome for continuing this line up! I also got some new oracle cards, Starry Beginnings: Guided Messages from the Stars. I'm excited because the cards are gorgeous, and I love the stars! Some new shirts also arrived this week; gotta love the tie-dye! I was psyched to see that there were Killua and Stitch tie dye shirts (granted, the Stitch one was a "kids" t-shirt, but getting a kids extra large thankfully will fit me). I decided to wear my new Stitch shirt on Saturday to show Corliss (because she absolutely adores Stitch); while getting ready to leave, I got an email from Boxed Lunch, wishing me a happy "Stitch Day." It took me a second before I realized what they meant--it was 6-26, and it made me so happy to know that, causing me to laugh at the synchronicity: not only did my new Stitch shirt arrive in time for Stitch Day, but I wore it with no awareness of the date. Oh, universe, you have quite the sense of humor! I also hope to find a Sesshomaru tie dye shirt as well as some other anime tie dye shirts (like Fruits Basket). While my new Fruits Basket shirt isn't tie dye, it's still pretty awesome! Boxed Lunch has some epic shirts right now! The latest book by Scott Westerfeld, Mirror's Edge, finally arrived, too. I've been looking forward to reading it; the first time I tried getting it, the postal system lost it (I originally ordered it back around May 20th). It took them quite a while to figure out what happened to it, and then they ended up giving me a refund. It was a bit disappointing that it got lost, but at least I have it now! I'm certain it'll be happy reading! I've also been thinking about getting a rock tumbler for the longest time, and I finally got around to acquiring one. I'm so hyped for it and look forward to using it! It's been a great week of goodies!
On Friday night I came over to help April and her mom put together a new shelf for Iris. I ended up doing it all (April was keeping Iris occupied as she wanted to help--she's such a sweet kid). It was a bit tricky at first, but it got easier as I kept working at it. I don't always assemble things, but I didn't do too shabby--it required using all sorts of pieces, a hammer, and a screwdriver. Iris loves her new shelf. Also, apparently Iris is always talking about "Alex" and how he died (in water). April says she doesn't know where Iris got this story. Last week when I was over, Iris was going on about how someone died in stinky water (she didn't specify a name at that time, though). I told April that Iris could be remembering past life stuff. She had a lot of details to the story this time. She said that Alex was riding his bike and going to the valley. She said a girl was with him and that they had a baby, a cat, and a dog. Alex apparently was going to meet his friends in the valley. They were going to watch a movie on a giant TV (might have been a projector, but I don't think Iris knows what a projector is). Iris said that they died. She said that water got on their face and in their eyes and nose. She said that they couldn't breathe. I guess she could be making up the story, but there's a lot of details for a typical kid's imaginary story. She was even drawing this "Alex" and then drew a bunch of water on top of him.
April, Iris, and I hung out at the park over the weekend. It was quite pleasant to begin with. The flowers looked absolutely gorgeous! The weekend started off sunny, but then it unleashed a mass of rain for days. We got caught out in the rain and got soaked. It was kind of funny. Iris enjoyed herself thoroughly, especially since she got to wear the rainboots I bought for her. She had so much fun! It was great to witness. We also got some ice cream, and Iris was thrilled about that (she kept insisting that she get vanilla with chocolate--aka a hot fudge sundae lol). It was a pretty chill weekend, and it was rather relaxing (even if there was a surplus of rain).
Here are the paintings/collages I created this week; I continued making some in honor of fluffy cat, but I also worked on a present for my cousin as well as some acrylic pours:
This week I read more fanfic and watched the latest episode of Fruits Basket. Here's the fanfic for this week: Monsoon Summer, Math Tutor, You've Always Belonged in the Home in My Heart, Blue Eyes in the Rain, and Wrapping Presents. This week's Fruits Basket episode is titled "You Fought Well." So we went from "I Just Love Her" to "Goodbye" to "You Fought Well." These last few episode titles correlate well to fluffy cat and her final moments. She did fight well; despite the great difficulty she had breathing towards the end, she didn't give up on us and fought to stay with us. It has me feeling emotional again. You're truly precious, fluffy cat, and we miss you dearly. Yuki's so on par in the episode. He recognizes, "We can't take it for granted that there will ever be someone, who cares enough to search for us. It's not a given. It's a blessing--almost a miracle." While he was referring to Machi, it could be said about our pets. They love us unconditionally and will actively search us out. They're blessings--unconditional love isn't a given, but they give love so freely. You had so much love to give, fluffy cat. I hope we were able to give even a fraction of that love back to you--people can be so flawed, but you loved us deeply, anyway. Machi notes, "President, just knowing that someone like you exists in the world makes me happy. So I want to show how grateful I am that Honda-senpai was there to protect you because if you were weak once, I think that made you, who you are now. I think that's why you noticed me, why you spoke to me and reached out your hand, why you were able to find the good in me. You saw me when I couldn't even see myself, and that made me so happy." Fluffy cat was able to see us; she always knew how to cheer us up when we were feeling down and give us cuddles while purring. Just knowing that she was waiting for me, no matter how difficult a day or experience was, always cheered me up. I think she understood a lot from being abandoned on the streets as a kitten with her brother; she understood how challenging and painful life can be--she understood what blessings are and how to fully appreciate them. We can really learn a lot from you, fluffy cat. You were such a chill cat, content with so little. Later in the episode we get a flashback to Kyoko's death. Kyoko, in her last moments, reflects, "Katsuya, I get it now. Leaving is as bad as... being left. They both hurt, don't they? Sorry. I'm sorry, Tohru. Did I love you enough? Sweetheart, believe me, I wanted to love you so much more... Sorry, honey. I guess this is goodbye. I have to go, but I pray that you'll be happy. I pray that your years will be full of people, who love you. Live the kind of life you can be proud of in the end, even if you make mistakes or take the long way around. Live so that... when it's your time to go, people will say, 'You fought well.' Have lots of happy times and sad times and everything in between. That's how I want you to grow old." This scene left me wanting to cry. I could just see fluffy cat thinking this. I sincerely hope you don't doubt yourself, fluffy cat, or the love you gave us. We would have preferred if you stayed with us longer, as your happy, healthy self, but you gave so much love. You fought so well. We had 13 amazing years together. Saying goodbye isn't easy, but you did so well--you gave so much. I love you, and I know how much you loved us.
Goodbyes can be so painful sometimes. They're inevitable, but they can be rather challenging when they happen. Yuki remarks, "I--I'm sorry for crying like this. It's just... I said goodbye to someone I've been with my whole life. We were always together, a constant presence that caused so much pain and heartache, but parting hurts, too. It's selfish, isn't it? To cry now." Machi, trying to understand, inquires, "The person you said goodbye to, will you see them again?" Yuki replies, "No. Never. But in exchange, I have... my freedom... Sorry, I know I'm not making sense." This scene hit home for me. Some goodbyes are temporary, but some are rather final--at least in this life time. I won't see fluffy cat anymore, and it hurts. Parting with fluffy cat leaves such a great ache in my heart and soul. I recognize that there's a freedom in it, though. I hadn't wanted to move far away because I knew it'd be tough on her--she sticks to me like glue and isn't all that big on new places/car rides. I didn't want to traumatize her, but I'd been feeling the pull to move somewhere else (although I'm not sure where exactly that pull is leading me). With our parting, though, it makes it a lot easier to move. I don't have to take into consideration fluffy cat's feelings on the matter as she said goodbye. As much as parting hurts, I know that it provides a level of freedom to move on to the next chapter. As Shigure notes, "You're finally saying goodbye to the you your father always wanted you to be and becoming a new Akito, right? That's what the gift is for. That parting. Though, I suppose it's also a welcoming gift for the new you. I look forward to seeing how you live a life you've chosen for yourself." It's time for many of us to say goodbye to past expectations and our old selves; it's time to welcome in our new, authentic selves--the selves that we've always longed to be, deep down, but were too afraid to let be them be seen. We're in times of great change. Akito emphasizes, "This is a symbol of change. Just as you've been able to return to who you truly are, at last, I've returned to my true self, as well. You're free, all of you." All the bonds that used to restrict us, limit us, and tie us down are breaking. The ways of the old are crumbling. We're able to come home to our true selves. All of us are learning what it means to be free. The times are ever-changing, and they might prove rather challenging. It's important to never give up, though. Reach out for help if you need it. Rest and relax when necessary. Please, don't throw your life away. There are people that love you--that cherish the moments they share with you. Live a life you can be proud of--like Kyoko urges, "Live so that... when it's your time to go, people will say, 'You fought well.' " There will be ups and downs, ebbs and flows, goodbyes and hellos. Don't judge your whole life story based off of a sole moment; your story is comprised of so many chapters, and you'd be surprised at the tale they create. Please, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. There's no rush. You're doing the best you can. The universe has your back. Breathe. Take it easy. We've got this (even if it doesn't exactly seem like it at the moment). It'll be okay. Take care of yourselves. Stay blessed with love and light~
Here's some food for thought from Ralph Smart on Infinite Waters:
Here's some food for thought for the week: