How is everyone doing? It's been a bit of a crazy week. I had some strange dreams. One dream involved a lunar eclipse, but the specifics of the dream are fuzzy. There was another dream involving graduating from my former university, and I was supposed to create a final project to commemorate the occasion. In the dream I decided to create a paper mask--it was a sort of intricate unicorn mask made out of lots of layers. In the dream I was showing it to Corliss, but I don't remember much else about the dream. I haven't dreamed about my university for as long as I can remember, but I suspect this represented a symbolic graduation (probably aligned with all the recent energies). Has anyone else had any interesting dreams? I hope everyone enjoyed the new moon this week! If anyone wants more information on the new moon and meditations, feel free to check out the videos below:
I've felt rather out of sorts this week, feeling a lack of motivation and creativity. That's not to say I haven't created anything, but it was towards the beginning of the week. As the week continued, it kind of fizzled out. I couldn't really put a finger on how I was feeling; it's not like I was depressed or anything. It was kind of like a lack-luster neutral. Phil Good's recent video put a lot of perspective to what I've been experiencing. It's an energetic/evolution thing, and it's kind of nice to know that it's not just me feeling so weird. I've just been drawn to chilling with my cat (indoors or outdoors), reading, and whatnot. Most things just felt rather blasé. I've felt compelled to stay in bed with the cat, dozing off and on. It's felt like things were going on behind the scenes, but I couldn't really identify what it was. It's nice to know things are being processed and taken care of even if I'm not conscious on all the specifics.
Cuddling in bed with fluffy cat and listening to the birds with her outside has been soul-soothing. They're priceless experiences that were invaluable to me this week. I'm super grateful for this adorable, fluffy cat. She's the best! Thanks for helping me through these unusual times, fluffy cat! You have my sincerest gratitude!
Here are this week's art pieces; I played with more marblings, color schemes, and prints. I also made a toucan piece for my former coworker (happy birthday!). Does anyone have recommendations for future pieces? I'm open to suggestions!
Corliss and I hung out on Friday. We mainly spent time outside and catching up. We discussed recent experiences, symptoms, dreams, anime, fanfic, etc. It was so nice being able to just be open and myself. Corliss gets a lot of what I go through; her friendship is priceless. It was so much fun, and we laughed so much. I shared some silly stories I've come across and showed her pictures of Cherry Blossom/Kaoru. She kind of freaked out; she started going through all the related images. She admitted that she was trying not to drool. She then stumbled upon various pictures of Joe/Kojiro and proceeded to freak again. Granted, I had sent her the video that convinced me to watch SK8 the Infinity (the "daddy" video), but she didn't remember all the specifics. She then decided that she would make a fanfic about Cherry and Joe without watching the show because she didn't want expectations/information from the show to influence her creativity. We ended up trying out this small diner because we had a craving for pie, and it was the only thing in the area that was still open. The pie was pretty good (but their menu wasn't all that informative--it only listed "pie," no flavors/types, nada. Just "pie." Same thing about their ice cream). We then ended up going on a mini adventure. We drove around the area like last week, guided by intuition. We ended up at a pretty secluded area with no lights, and the stars were breathtaking! They were so bright and numerous; the light pollution is a bit disappointing in terms of star gazing near my home. We found a new park and a small lake with our exploration. We stumbled upon some more "fox" streets (the previous week we had found some, but I don't recall what they were called); we went down Fox Haven and found a forest-like clearing and a wooden post with what looked like a fox head mark on it (it was natural/a coloration of the wood). It was super interesting. It sort of felt like we were doing some more gridwork. We decided to start making our way towards Corliss's place, and Corliss was so sure we were going the right way. We ended up going over a bridge/the river and wound up in Illinois. For the heck of it, we went down a side street and meandered around the various connecting streets. The one I remember the most was Wise Road; we found three deer walking along the road, and Corliss immediately remarked, "It's the three wise men." It felt super significant. It was a fun adventure. We had been commenting about wanting an adventure/trip earlier in the day, too. It wasn't what we had meant, but we loved it.
I watched more anime and read fanfic throughout the week (as per usual). This week's fanfic includes: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dog Demons, A Single Kiss, Through the Mirror, Progression, Quadrangle, Darkness, To Shed a Little Light, Primal, Check One: YES NO MAYBE, Bite Me, Dessert for Two, Midnight Duet, Catalyst, Etchings, Moonlit, Phantoms, Courtesy Call, Utter Doom, Impending Doom, Frivolous Sentimentalities, Drowning Sorrows, Waking the Dead, Dog at Heart, Gone to the Dogs, and Canis Familiaris. I finished the last episode of HoriMiya this week; I loved it. It left a powerful message and felt so aligned to the times and how people are undergoing healing. Izumi Miyamura acknowledged and accepted his former self; his past self (the wounded part) was surprised that he was acknowledged, as the current Izumi tends to ignore him, bottling up the past hurts like many people tend to do. So many of us would rather sweep things under the rug, pretending they're not there, rather than acknowledging, processing, and healing them. These wounds, the inner child, just want to be seen and loved. As soon as Izumi is able to truly see his past self and accept him, that wounded self is healed. Everything is building up to this. We're meant to heal. We're meant to love, including ourselves. We're reaching a breaking point, a turning point as a human collective. You might wonder if you're where you are meant to be, but you're exactly where you are meant to be for your greatest evolution and learning. Izumi and Kyoko discuss this.
Izumi Miyamura: "There were so many different roads that led me to where I am today. I could have easily taken another route and wound up somewhere else."
Kyoko Hori: "You know what? I think we're exactly where we're meant to be. We're together like this because that's how fate wanted it."
Izumi : "Maybe you're right." *Izumi then thinks to himself* "There was a possibility of living in a world without you, but that world's not my reality. You're here along with everyone else. I'm not alone anymore. Fate, you said. I wonder if such a thing actually was responsible for bringing us together. Even if this 'fate' doesn't really exist, I think the universe would have slowly but surely moved me to the place I wanted to be."
There are no accidents or coincidences in this universe. Call it what you will, be it fate, destiny, synchronicity. The name or label isn't what's important. You could have made different choices. You could have traveled down a different path. If you had, you wouldn't have the experiences and growth you have now if you had. Even the pain, suffering, and wounds have purpose. If nothing else, it provides contrast. Much like Izumi learns that he won't always be alone, that there are people that love him just as he is, your past pain will not remain forever. You can heal it. There are those that love you exactly as you are, that see the true you, even if you haven't met them just yet. Izumi lived in such a dark place throughout middle school, but all it takes is a single moment to change everything. Finding a small boy, who had fallen on the ground (and who turns out to be Kyoko's brother), and taking him to his home to clean his wound changed everything. Izumi discovers another side to Kyoko; they become friends. Her family adores Izumi and immediately draw him into the fold. Everything can change in an instant for you. The universe loves you and wants to bring this love to you. All it needs is for you to open your heart, mind, and soul to it.
The process of healing can feel difficult. Maybe we feel lost. It can be frustrating. We may strive for the answers but come up short. With today's society we feel like we're supposed to be "productive." It's okay, though. We don't have to have all the answers. We don't have to have the master plan and know every action to take. It's okay to feel and express your emotions. It's okay to cry. The most recent episode of Fruits Basket delves into this. Kyo finds Tohru.
Kyo: "Tohru, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Tohru: "Because I... I don't know what to do... I'm lost."
Kyo: "Well, in that case, just don't do anything. Give yourself time. Wait until you have to do something. Then act. And uh, well, it's okay, you know. You can cry."
Sometimes we merely need time. We can't rush things (granted, we could, but we won't like the yielded results). Things take time. It takes time for the young sapling to grow into the tree. It takes time for the baby to grow in the womb. It takes time for the caterpillar to transform into the butterfly. We're in the process of transforming. Be gentle with yourself; you're doing the best you can. You're learning and growing. If you need time to breathe, recoup, and heal, give it to yourself. Don't stress yourself out with feeling like you need to act. There's an ebb and flow to life for a reason. Don't fight yourself, warring with your emotions and where you feel you "should" be. It's okay to take your time. Your journey is uniquely your own; nobody else's is the same. Don't fall into the trap of comparison, trying to live up to others. If you feel the need to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to you--to your personal bests. Strive to improve yourself, surpassing your personal best. There's no need to compete with anyone else. Feel what you need to feel. Take the time you need to take. It's your journey; go wherever you wish on your own timeframe. Your life's journey is precious and one-of-a-kind.
On this journey we often get caught up in wanting to be perfect, but we're learning as we go along. As such, we will make mistakes from time to time. We then get caught up into these mistakes, letting them fester and plague us. Mistakes are learning opportunities, and they are not the end of the world. Admitting if we were wrong and working to make things right will help everyone in the situation heal. In SK8 the Infinity Langa, struggling with Reki's avoidance of him, confides with his mom over dinner.
Langa: "I kinda screwed up big time... and now someone's avoiding me."
Langa's mom: "The same thing has happened to me. I know how it hurts... You keep misunderstanding each other, but it doesn't mean that anyone is truly wrong."
Langa: "No, it's definitely my fault for breaking a promise."
Mom: "I've been there, but the only thing that will make this right is being honest about your feelings."
Langa: "Be honest?"
Mom: "You like this person, right?"
Langa: "Um, yeah..."
Mom: "That's your truth. Those are the emotions you should share."
Langa: "No way... It's embarrassing."
Mom: "It's the only sure way to help you to regain trust."
We need to speak our truth. It shouldn't be embarrassing to be honest about our emotions, especially with our loved ones. Speaking our truth, sharing our emotions, will help build our relationships and trust. Be gentle with yourself and others. We're doing the best we can. Allow yourself to grow. Just because something is difficult now (whether that be speaking your truth, sharing your emotions, self confidence, etc.) doesn't mean it will always be so. The more you practice, the stronger the habit will grow, akin to a muscle. Speak and live your truth. Don't let others dictate what your life looks like. Follow your heart and your passion. Joe emphasizes, "Our stupid love of skateboarding colors our entire world. It fuels our friendships, emotions, problems, everything." Live your truth so that your journey is full of color. Others may not agree with your path, but that just means it's not right for them--they are not you. Find what's right for you, and cherish the journey.
Things are unusual now, but the human collective has never experienced anything like these times. The times are unprecedented. The old ways and rules won't necessarily apply or work any longer. I think my younger brother is picking up on this--he's wanting to start his own business because he's fed up with being used by the lawncare job he's been working (aside from being one of the few that actually works hard and gets jobs done, the boss owes him $2000 that he hasn't paid yet). Understandably fed up, he quit this week. My parents and sister don't understand it; it's not like they're unsupportive, per se, but they don't believe in the possibilities. They're wrapped up in being "realistic." He doesn't have all that much money right now, and my mom wants him to get a "secure" job. Even the so-called "secure" jobs aren't all that secure if we're being honest. So many of the "secure" jobs laid people off over the past year. So many of them have closed down. Heck, my "secure" job working in the school system gave me the boot last May. They're not actually secure. They produce the illusion of security with their steady, weekly/bi-weekly paychecks, but life is unpredictable. Anything can happen. I completely understand my brother wanting to branch out on his own and create his own abundance, not letting others dictate what he "deserves." It feels like the old, "secure" ways are crumbling, anyhow. There's going to continue to be lots of change, and I look forward to the new ways that are coming. The old is just so tiring and cumbersome, draining the life out of people. They end up living to work--the bulk of their time and energy devoted to their jobs, leaving little to none for what they actually want to do. It's so sad. I used to work 12 hour days, and I didn't even earn that much--the school system didn't value its workers despite children being precious beyond words. You would think that people would value educators more with how often and closely they work with these precious children. That being the case, I want to create my own space to teach and create with children/people. I don't want to be limited and restricted due to others. It's so stifling, and I've experienced that kind of lifestyle for years. I imagine many others are feeling similar sentiments right now. As uncertain as things may feel right now, the universe loves us. Everything will be okay. Trust. Magical miracles can happen at any moment; a new life, a new opportunity can be birthed in an instant when we trust. Follow your heart. Don't get too ensnared by logic. Logic has it's purpose, but your intuition is just as important. Don't settle for "security" when it crushes your soul, your heart, your happiness. The universe loves you unconditionally and has your back. You can do whatever your heart yearns for. Believe and let the process unfold. You'll be amazed what happens. Stay blessed with love and light, everyone~
Food for thought from Ralph Smart on Infinite Waters:
Food for thought for the week: